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lazy

I’ve never been a skinny or lean. Never been an athletic person. I was even overweight as a baby and a toddler! I don’t have any medical issues for it, I simply ate too much, and didn’t exercise. I have a friend who told me that I’m the laziest person she knows! And that was AFTER I began exercising. So you can imagine how I was before all of this. I never “disliked” my body either. Not until a few years ago. I’m not sure what made that switch in my brain from being OK with being overweight, to not being OK with being overweight.  In the past I tried exercising, tried losing weight, tried weight watchers, tried counting calories, but nothing ever came of it because, in reality, I didn’t really dislike how I looked even if others did. I suppose I can say that I wanted to be thinner, but didn’t REALLY WANT to be thinner.  

self digust

It was a horrible feeling when I looked into the mirror one day and thought, “Ugh.” or when I had plans to go out somewhere and thought, “Nothing fits me properly, I wish I could just stay home instead”. So, months and months after having those horrible thoughts, I started walking with a friend, walking with the family, then I bought the Power90 with Tony Horton, (who I love by the way because he’s a comedian at heart.), and did some Zumba.  I lost a bit of weight, but I didn’t have the mental/emotional support because I still didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. Then finally, one day I got an invite by Patricia Carrera to join one of her Facebook challenge groups. In order to join, I had to buy the 21 Day Fix program. I figured that I had enough disposable income to try it out, and if i didn’t like it, well then, I’d move onto the next thing. 

I haven’t been on my journey with Beach Body for a very long time. It’s only been 96 days. I’ve only lost 20lbs so far, but I’m happy that I don’t struggle as I used to everyday to exercise. Sometimes, I actually look forward to exercising. However, there are a couple of days a week where I don’t want to put in the effort, don’t want to sweat, and don’t want to rush, rush, rush. My body hasn’t significantly changed it’s appearance either. The largest difference I see is in my mind. I’m not where I want to be mentally or physically, but I’m on my way. I don’t dislike what I see in the mirror anymore, I catch myself when I’m in the process of negative talk, I can see when others are negatively influencing me by their own negativity. Patricia taught me how to do that. She didn’t teach me explicitly. She taught me by example. Whenever I asked her how she’d deal with a situation, she’d ask questions that made me realize that I was negative self-talking, or that what I thought was a problem, really wasn’t a problem. My primary problems was myself.

how you see yourself

I wish I could have had a picture of Ashley tapping her temple, instead of the kitten and the lion. Whenever I ask Ashley how she gets things done. She taps her temple with her index finger and says, “it’s up here”. Shes right. Losing weight, being happy, being healthy, is all a mental game. When I falter, I have to remind myself where I was 96 days ago. That person was not happier than I am today, not healthier than I am right now, and definitely not as strong.  If I don’t want to go back to that person, I have to keep pushing everyday and not let my mind stop me from doing, what I want to get done.